Wow. What a ride. It’s not like it’s over but I’m over the CST hump and now just trying to cram in as many projects, field trips, differentiated instruction, small literary circles, and group learning as I possibly can. This is what it means to teach.
Despite the craziness at my school, I’m planning to come back next year. The main reason is the kids (of course). Because we loop every year, the culture is that classrooms whose teachers don’t return are usually way more demoralized and socially, academically, and emotionally, they’re just more behind.
I’m not feeling emotional yet, but just the other day, I was looking through old diary entries. I realized how enchanted I used to be by my students. I realized how much hope I had for them. Case in point: I forgot that I used to love Lefty for asking questions and being so inquisitive. Lefty isn’t different. He’s still the inquisitive, humorous kid who hates to do homework, hates math, and loves to read anything that isn’t assigned for homework. I used to celebrate his independence and now all I do is feel exasperated and irritated. I’m not saying I should excuse his behavior; I’m saying that I need to change my heart towards him (and every other kid).
And so, I’m encouraged to return to that sort of mindset. To return to believing that they can achieve if they work hard. To celebrate their quirks rather than get frustrated at their seeming indifference. To be their champion instead of lamenting the fact that I feel like I’m pulling and pushing unwilling butts across the finish line.
Basically. To recap. The kids aren’t different. I’m just tired. What used to be endearing is now a thorn in my side. And I guess it’s up to me to pluck it out and start over! I can!
[Wow. the fact that I repeated myself 3 times at the end shows me I need my summer vacation to get out of this constant clarification mode].