You don’t think it will come to this, until it does.

A little under 12 years ago, I began this blog. I had big plans. I wanted a space to play with big ideas and what-ifs. It eventually became a place where I vented and reflected hard on being a teacher. I think it’s clear that I loved my job, that I was proud of my position, and that education and people were always at the center of what I did.

So it’s crazy because right now I’m looking to completely pivot. And it didn’t make sense until it did. I’m still playing with how to express it correctly, but here’s my first iteration:

2019 – began to wonder if there was more to just being a cog in this large-scale education machine. I love the small-school space. I love middle school. I love urban education. I’ve experienced teaching in independent schools, being homeschooled, teaching homeschooled children, and working in larger public districts. At the end of the day, I knew that one thing I couldn’t change about myself is that I’ll give 110% into all that I do. So… if that wouldn’t change, I wanted to figure out a way to better amplify my impact. I talked with a school leader about possible next steps, and she basically told me to be a teacher another year and work on building my people-leadership skills informally and that there were no internal leadership positions open for me. This was probably the push I needed though, because I applied and got accepted into High Tech High’s New School Creation program.

2020 – I accepted, and then COVID/distance-learning happened. It was a crash course of HOW MUCH DEEPER family engagement could be, and also that projects were IT. And that at the end of the day, kids and families just need to feel seen. I was relieved that I had already decided to leave before the pandemic, because I think I wouldn’t have been able to leave in 2020… (Aside: I was really annoyed: when I left, they opened up a Dean of Math/Science position at my school – a position I would have been qualified for and gladly taken had it been made available to me. This position probably opened up to support the new incoming teacher who would replace me. This brings me to another gripe: if they had just tried to build and expand my skillset in-house instead of trying to hold onto not having to find another teacher to replace me, there could have been a much smoother transition than what ended up transpiring. This made me realize that I will ALWAYS put my employees and their growth above my org’s needs).

2021 – I began seen52.org. It began as an idea for a school. It evolved. In 2020, I had lots of conversations with former and current students and foster youth, and others impacted or involved in various systems of care. In 2020-21, I did my program at High Tech High. COVID-life allowed me REST and REFLECTION. BLM 2.0 gave me space to really start taking responsibility for and helping me understand my own space as a non-Black/Brown minority. I tell people I began seen52 because I didn’t think I could reach our target population on my own. I already knew passionate educators that I ran into in the off-hours. Why not more strategically combine these hours and truly impact the populations of our kiddos who need it the most? I also did this because as a single woman in my early-30s, there was no way I was going to foster a child on my own.

2022 – but then, I did. Because even though it takes a village, the child welfare system is a really sprawled out village full of various adults and administrators doing various things… and no shade, but, with COVID, and everything, a lot of these offices were perpetually empty. And after a conversation with one special then-17-yo who was like, “I just want to live in a house that feeds me regularly,” I was like f*ck it, and I went back to trying to be a resource parent. (That process was … stupidly long. But also not that long). And so in March, 2022, I became a resource parent to the most beautiful 17 yo boy.

I also realized Seen52 was working. There’s something that’s making it work and as I figure out how to distill and share it, I knew that this year, I couldn’t go back to professionally working as an educator anymore.

In no particular order, this is why I’m leaving the education space:

• I’m a parent and the founder/pro-bono director/main volunteer at my nonprofit. Teaching requires me to be ON from 7:30AM-4PM 5 days a week. No flexibility with work schedules, appointments, rides, etc. Against the backdrop of the rest of the bay area, it’s a no-brainer that I need something with a bit more balance.
• After COVID, the inflexibility of teaching got intolerable for me. It’s funny how I’ve shifted so much on this. I believed so much in collaboration, and teacher autonomy. But, just imagine this: I can’t even take an extra 1 minute to hold a group of kids in to finish cleaning something up because then the OTHER teachers have to wait and hold a group of rowdy, hormonal 7th graders down. for YEARS, i was proud of being able to hold my bladder (healthily with no UTIs) from 8:30-3:45PM. I counted my grande Starbucks Chai with whole milk as my brunch. Hello. This is crazy.
• The education system isn’t designed for good teachers. I can’t teach the way I’m supposed to.. And I was a damn gifted teacher. I remember RANDOM details, I know faces, I can quickly adjust my lessons to hit standards and still be inquiry-based, and at the end throw in a project just for kicks. I’m the dream. I’m also a nightmare to guide because I get super defensive (but bad teachers are like this too). AND, at the end of the day, it’s not enough. I *hated* being in a pilot that tried to offload some of the mental load onto personalized e-lessons. BUT, I’m realizing that for teaching to be sustainable, we need to figure out how to help teachers realize that they HAVE to get kids used to DRY-ass content so that teachers can BREATHE. … but then if you’re a creator, and you believe that teaching should be transformative and students deserve to learn by doing, it really kills you.
• Also, honestly, I just want to be compensated more than $70K a year in the Bay Area for 11 years of experience and 2 master’s degrees (1 from an Ivy).

Every year, I read articles of “why I left the classroom.” I rolled my eyes at them. I just figured they couldn’t hang. And it’s true. It just doesn’t click until it does. My early years of teaching, I didn’t trust myself enough and I was too exhausted to interrogate myself and the systems around me. In the mid-years, I felt empowered to change things from within (teacher leadership), and when that didn’t work, tried to impact things from the outside (local politics + unionizing). I’m still in the mid-years, but I realized I need to get out NOW before I get stuck in a pattern / too dependent on the CA teacher’s pension system (which is pretty juicy if you’re old and probably the reason for why money isn’t going to kids. But that’s also a different blog).

I honestly, don’t feel bad writing this. Isn’t that crazy? Once I decided to leave.. it wasn’t weeks of thinking about it. I was just ready. I still am making direct connections with youth. I have my own favorite kid. And it’s time to… be realistic about a quality of life that could be better, and where a job is a job and not my whole life.

It’s not even bittersweet. And at this point, I’m just like, “Major respect to teachers,” but also, we need to take teachers off this pedestal, and just come to terms with the fact that in the US, education is dry as fuck– stop pressuring teachers to compete with games. Just make it relevant. Get the bots to teach [School(TM) anyone?], and have teachers just supervise. Make it a perpetual entry-level job. Because this pay is CRAZY.

2009 – private school, international, made around $20K in Asia + housing and plane tickets. It was a steal during the recession when there were literally no jobs. lol.

2012 – started at $42K with a BA from UC Berkeley and an Ed.M from Harvard — thought it was a lot.; no pension, no 401K, bad benefits.

2014 – increased to $48K with a lower teaching load, great benefits, CalSTRS pension

2017 – jumped to $55K at unified school – good benefits, continued pension.

2018 – returned to former district, bargained to $63-4K with stipends added – benefits are just so-so, continued pension.

2020 – final teacher’s salary after 9 years of public teaching: $65-67K? LOL. yikes.

(PS: not sure if the salaries are exactly correct but they’re definitely in the ballpark)

I have a pretty big grant due…

So of course I updated Seen52’s website, my LinkedIn, planned our field trip, scheduled the weekly update email early, and thennnn I even changed my LinkedIn title from “director” to “Executive Director/Founder.”

It’s interesting. I just finished chatting with a former student. It was actually very lovely. The conversations always start with, “I don’t know if you remember me but..” and one of my favorite ways to love a kid is to say, “Of course I do!” Because I usually do. That’s my superpower 🙂

He asked me what I was up to and I told him I started my own thing. He wrote “Damn ms kim doing big things now” And I wrote, “I’m trying.”

I read a meme the other day. “I’m faking it until I make it, but now I’m just fake.” It made me laugh. I don’t think that’s where I’m going. But it’s wild to sometimes take a step back and see what I’m doing. I feel like it’s never enough. I feel like I AM faking it. I’m shocked when I’m invited into conversations. And I just think, how helpful knowing all of the ways the systems work in the background would have been when I was a teacher.

Here’s a list of things I wish I’d been more aware of:

• The why’s/philosophy of our “all-in” staff.
• McKinney-Vento
• Our students’ lives
• The different resources available to families and kiddos

I wish I had just had the time to pause. Because I think that would have made me a happier teacher. I wasn’t unhappy. Another superstrength of mine is the ability to laugh, the ability to reflect, and the ability to own my mistakes. Those strengths carried me through. But I wonder, what we could do for younger teachers, to help them .. not make as many of the same mistakes young, well-meaning teachers make over and over again.

Anyway, I’m an Executive Director/Founder now. And it’s starting to feel less foreign and less fake. I appreciate being given the space to dream this year, and figuring out the pathways to make these dreams into reality. But it’s still weird.

I miss teaching a lot, actually. I worry that the longer I’m out of the classroom, I won’t get to have these precious conversations with my former students. Because the programs we’re doing doesn’t feel like I’m making AS DEEP of a connection. But I need to keep my eyes on the long game.

Parent Reveal

In my second semester of my 2014-15 school year, a student of mine was living by herself for a week. I found out that a former principal at the school once housed her older sister for a weekend and that teachers had done that before.

In the 2017-18 school year, I saw a single male coworker at my school fostering some of the students at my school. I worked with 2 of his kids… and his impact was palpable. It made me realize I could do this too. When I brought it up to a few friends back then, they were skeptical, so I let it go.

In January 2019, I attended an Interest Meeting through Foster the City (back then, it was Foster the Bay). I learned then about the 1200 children who were in foster care in Alameda County. I learned they had higher rates of PTSD than Vietnam veterans. I learned more stats… but I won’t repeat them all here

In February 2019, I began attending The Movement Church and found out they were also starting to work with Foster the City. I became involved as a Support Friend.

In August 2019, I attended Foster the City’s launch meeting. I just went to learn more. I learned about the different foster agencies (also learned that the new word = RESOURCE families). I heard people share their experiences with fostering through private agencies and the county.

In November 2019, I attended an RFA (Resource Family A__???__) training through Alameda County. But then I got busy with school and didn’t do any follow ups or filled anything out. Then COVID happened and yunno.

In April 2021, I retook the training (but this time on Zoom) but somehow my information got lost. I reached out to a few email addresses but got nothing.

In August 2021, I did a training through Seneca (a private agency) but felt like it was a little too intense for a first-time experience as a resource parent.

In September 2021, I finally got in contact with someone through Alameda County annnnd the ball began rolling.

October 2021 – assigned a social worker, lost contact with him (health leave), regained contact, began the application process, sent out character references, and signed up for CPR.

** Between October – January, I think I was given 3 different forms of the application – a Microsoft Word version, a scanned version on PDF (that I asked them to mail me since it was 40+ pages) and then I filled out the paper version and dropped it off in person.

I also finished CPR, got in touch with my social worker again (wondering what the hold-up was. Turned out my character references weren’t in, so I asked new people -_-), and got my fingerprints done.

Had my FIRST in-person interview going over the details of my application. I had to talk about my upbringing, any traumas in my life, my work, my friends, my personality, etc. Then he just decided to do my house walk-through then too.

Then I had to fill out a FOURTH version of the application online. I was a little annoyed by then and wrote “see application” for all the short-answer questions.

Also a zoom follow-up interview

I purchased some things for the house, cleaned out the extra room, did some updates around the space for compliance and for preemptive, ya know. I’ve worked with kids for over a decade now – it’s so much better to be prepared, safe, than sorry. Like why get mad at them for making a mistake when you placed them in an environment that allows them to make that mistake? Anyway, doing my best to not overly disrupt my living style while also putting security measures in place to ensure the child feels supported.

February 2, 2022 – Had a third interview, in person. Checking to see if my house was in compliance and following up on some things….. and it turns out… I’ve done everything on my end, so all I do now is wait for clearances to come in…. And my social worker said it should come in soon since I’m opening my home to teenagers.

I don’t think I feel anything right now. I don’t want to get overexcited or overprepare. I feel like things will happen as they happen. I feel okay about asking for help. And to be honest, I think the best way a person could help is to start looking into the foster care situation in their city and to see how they can be a steady mentor in someone’s life.

Whether that means committing to being a CASA, or volunteering regularly with a group that works with youth, or being a support friend through Foster the City, or even considering being a resource parent yourself.

I think there’s also internal work that needs to be done. I’m going into this knowing that I am not a replacement for the parent and that it’s not about me. It’s been frustrating hearing parents bemoan how attached they’ve gotten and how their house is better. That may all be objectively true, and that’s not our space. (To paraphrase Brene Brown: C- parents are still putting in A+ effort). As a teacher, I’ve just seen that no matter how wonky the parent is, the child always wants their parent. I’ll talk about this more later probably. And I can’t say too much since I’m not actually a resource parent yet.

Buuuut yeaaahhhhhh.

Taking the CPACE Content test

I feel like I have taken a bajillion and one tests to be an educator. Lo and behold, when looking at my testing history, I’m not wrong.

Anyway, as a pretty calm test-taker, (who’s amazing at multiple choice), I thought the CPACE wouldn’t be too hard. I would cram the week before and then I’d go ahead and take it. The content exam has a 75% pass rate and the performance exam has a 25% pass rate. I elected to take the content test first because I felt that reading the language from the test would inform how I would write on my performance test a few days later.

Well, I just took the Content test… and it wasn’t easy. So, instead of being a dum-dum and just trying to wing the Performance test (which costs $358), I am going to postpone it until the next round and be better prepared then.

What is the CPACE?

If you have five years of experience, and a CA teaching credential, instead of doing a program (aka the principal equivalent of the TPAs), you can take a really expensive 2-part test and get your admin credential!

It’s a little nuts because unlike the other tests, they only release the tests every few .. months? And when I signed up for a test during the thick of COVID, although I was able to sign up for a San Diego test in June, for the performance test, the only testing sites were in South San Jose, Santa Maria, and Los Angeles County. Super random.

Once you take the test, you don’t get your results until everyone has taken the test. So for the test I took during the May-June window, I won’t get my results until 6/30. I didn’t feel like winging two tests, so yeah, postponed the performance test.

How to study?

So… definitely don’t wait until the week before.

Then start with the CPACE practice questions from their website. I then reviewed the TPE and then color-coded this. I usually internalize information through writing, so I took notes off of them. They weren’t necessary for the Content test though, but I think they’ll be useful for the Performance test.

I also printed and took notes from 240tutoring. I felt like the way they described the buckets were actually helpful because this is essentially how the Contest test was structured. Then I took a practice test from Teacher’s Test Prep. It actually is 70 questions so carve out time for it. You’ll get the first results for free (without the short answer). They also have a great study outline, and I just googled things from there that I didn’t know.

If I fail the CPACE content exam, I’m going to go deeper into that study guide and retake the free practice test.

Lastly, I looked up CPACE tips on Reddit and tried to find recent results. A lot of folks recommended Quizlet, and yeah! There’s a lot of decks available there, and although by the time I got to them, it was 11pm the night before my test, I did skim.

Also, I used these test taking tips that a friend forwarded me from her friend’s friend. (Thank you Robbie!)

• Multiple choice content questions — these are pretty approachable with general test-taking strategies (eliminate obviously wrong answers; usually the right answer is obvious and at worst you have to guess between two reasonable sounding answers). Taking the practice questions on the CPACE website was enough for me to understand how the questions are structured; the questions on the actual test were very similar.
• Written responses:
  • Use the structure of the prompts to organize your answers. For example, if they want you to “write a memo detailing x, y, and z,” then the memo is going to say: “Dear Staff, I am writing this memo to describe X, Y, and Z” followed by a paragraph on X, paragraph on Y, paragraph on Z. It will feel like very bad writing but the scoring process does not reward creativity.
  • I seem to recall that they provide the rubric for how your response will be scored with each longer item. These rubrics are aligned to California Administrator Performance Expectations that they are asking you to demonstrate. Make sure to spend time unpacking this and constructing your response accordingly.
  • The people who score these items are generally retired administrators from large public school systems. Write to your audience. In general, I responded as if I was the administrator of a large comprehensive high school with a very large, unionized staff.
• Video analysis:
  • You will be asked to analyze a video of teacher practice. As suggested above, follow the structure of the prompt in giving feedback; if they want you to provide CSTP feedback, then do work analysis, then plan for a debrief conference, your response needs to be structured that way. This is not an exercise in synthesis — it’s demonstrating that you know how to do each of the concrete skills they are asking for.
  • The biggest thing here is that they are expecting you to use the TPEs and CSTPs to structure your feedback. They are not looking for synthesis — they are looking that you understand how to look for the CSTPs and give feedback accordingly. The video that I watched was literally from the 1990s and had been shot on VHS. It was nothing like any teaching I had ever seen before. 
• Strategic planning:
  • There will very likely be something asking you to look at a comprehensive data set for a school (possibly from multiple years) and to identify strengths and growth areas based in the data. Make sure that this is something that you know how to do.

Response to the Objections to the new CA Mathematics Framework

I saw today a Fox news coverage on the “ridiculousness” of the new CA Mathematics framework. “Great, now numbers are racist.” Instead of getting incensed by poor journalism I decided I’d respond to a few of the issues. I chose this article from Reason.com, “In the Name of Equity, California Will Discourage Students Who Are Gifted at Math” because it wrote specific objections (as opposed to other articles that just covered that there was controversy without going in-depth about what the objections were).

Just FYI, I am a secondary math teacher in California and have taught it before Common Core (when it was pre-algebra and algebra for 7th and 8th grade) and post-common core. I also took math in Palo Alto Unified School District that *does* track students and had an interesting run. Because I was homeschooled in sixth grade, I took a placement exam and ended up in “lower math” for 7th. Over the summer, I took a bridge course and ended up in “higher math” for eighth. 9th-11th grade, I stayed in the highest math track, and in 12th grade, I started BC calculus. I realized that the real tears I shed over math were not worth it and moved down to AB Calc where I coasted through the year, earned a 5 on my AP test and went to a UC, where my peers, who also took AP level maths (whether AB or BC) and most ended up doing pretty well. A lot of my college peers though, who took AP level math courses at their schools, ended up having to repeat the Calc 1 equivalent anyway in college. end FYI.

California’s Department of Education is working on a new framework for K-12 mathematics that discourages gifted students from enrolling in accelerated classes that study advanced concepts like calculus.

The draft of the framework is hundreds of pages long and covers a wide range of topics. But its overriding concern is inequity. The department is worried that too many students are sorted into different math tracks based on their natural abilities, which leads some to take calculus by their senior year of high school while others don’t make it past basic algebra. The department’s solution is to prohibit any sorting until high school, keeping gifted kids in the same classrooms as their less mathematically inclined peers until at least grade nine.

“The inequity of mathematics tracking in California can be undone through a coordinated approach in grades 6–12,” reads a January 2021 draft of the framework. “In summary, middle-school students are best served in heterogeneous classes.”

Okay. For me, this just seems like a no-brainer. In all brain science, it shows that homogenous groupings are not helpful for learning. I guess this starts with defining what learning is. If learning to you is all about memorization and reproduction of algorithms, then fine, we should group kids homogeneously. If learning math means being able to explain your thinking, knowing what place values actually stand for, understand why distributive property works, conceptually understand decimals as expressions of fractions within a base-ten numerical system, then heterogenous groupings is what matters. It is true that someone who has emerging understanding shouldn’t be paired with someone who is at mastery, but studies have shown that pairing students with emerging understandings with students who have progressed a bit more actually benefits both. It’s like pacing. It doesn’t serve someone who is just getting back into shape to pace themselves with a marathon runner, but asking someone who has been running for a while to exercise their mental faculties in maintaining a pace for someone getting started is helpful for both because it requires the person who has progressed further to become more metacognitive. If they both have a coach (aka a teacher), even better!

As a middle school teacher, I have had brilliant students who, as soon as they entered high school, were placed in lower courses (despite standardized test scores) because of the schools they came from or their last names. It’s just common.

I know I am getting anecdotal, but lastly, I want to say that although it is hard to differentiate, it is beautiful to be able to see how different people see numbers and work with numbers. It is helpful for kids who rely on memorization and rules to pause and listen to a more visual learner (who may feel “lower” in a traditional sense) explain the patterns they are catching and the spatial understanding of what a fraction could be.

Middle school math is not just algebra, it’s early stats, it’s exponents, it’s geometric concepts of congruence and dilation, distinguishing rational numbers, conceptualizing the difference between a negative and a fraction (or God-forbid, a negative fraction), and let’s not forget, the skill that even adults struggle with: rations and proportional reasoning. I definitely have students who are more precise, who work harder, who have better math fluency, than others… but have they sat in my class bored? No. Because, if you’re doing a good job, you’re pushing conceptual development along with providing rigor. You are also training young adults to become collaborative partners (vs faux-llaborators and lone wolves), coaches (vs “here I’ll just do it), and active listeners. AKA, actual skills for life.

Let’s just pause and think. The smartest kids in your middle school math class are not the most successful people in your alumni group, right?

In fact, the framework concludes that calculus is overvalued, even for gifted students.

“The push to calculus in grade twelve is itself misguided,” says the framework.

As evidence for this claim, the framework cites the fact that many students who take calculus end up having to retake it in college anyway. Of course, de-prioritizing instruction in high school calculus would not really solve this problem—and in fact would likely make it worse—but the department does not seem overly worried. The framework’s overriding perspective is that teaching the tough stuff is college’s problem: The K-12 system should concern itself with making every kid fall in love with math.

Why is this a debate? Calculus is overvalued. It’s stupid that it’s required for pre-med, business, etc. If anything we should be pushing Stats or Information Science or content-specific maths. I loved Calculus. I loved figuring out the area under a curve. I rocked differentials. Because, I just loved learning and my teacher (shout out to Deanna Chute) literally loved teaching it and loved us. Annnnnd, I have no idea how to do it now, and it has not served me when it comes to calculating the best house to buy, figuring out my finance strategies, etc. All AP Calculus taught me that still remains me with me now is the importance of being with a great teacher and work ethic. I’d posit that those two pieces can be taught through any subject.

Broadly speaking, this entails making math as easy and un-math-like as possible. Math is really about language and culture and social justice, and no one is naturally better at it than anyone else, according to the framework.

“All students deserve powerful mathematics; we reject ideas of natural gifts and talents,” reads a bulletpoint in chapter one of the framework. “The belief that ‘I treat everyone the same’ is insufficient: Active efforts in mathematics teaching are required in order to counter the cultural forces that have led to and continue to perpetuate current inequities.”

Duh. Folks who are “talented” probably had many hours that were devoted to that part (see Talent Code). Strengths are contextual (see Dark Horse). Have you heard of neuroplasticity? Believing that you’re naturally talented can actually prevent you from achieving more — because you rely on what you think is fixed versus understanding that your can develop neurons and concepts can be learned and mastered.

And of course it’s not enough to “treat everyone the same” because we don’t treat everyone the same. We have natural biases based on where we grew up and how we were raised (most recently read What Happened to You, which talks about this but Gladwell’s Talking to Strangers is a good resource too). We need to consciously bring it to the forefront whether we teacher social studies or PE. Math should be no different.

The entire second chapter of the framework is about connecting math to social justice concepts like bias and racism: “Teachers can support discussions that center mathematical reasoning rather than issues of status and bias by intentionally defining what it means to do and learn mathematics together in ways that include and highlight the languages, identities, and practices of historically marginalized communities.” Teachers should also think creatively about what math even entails: “To encourage truly equitable and engaging mathematics classrooms we need to broaden perceptions of mathematics beyond methods and answers so that students come to view mathematics as a connected, multi-dimensional subject that is about sense making and reasoning, to which they can contribute and belong.”

Again, this seems pretty obvious, and in practice, what you would see is NOT a 30-minute discussion about marginalized communities and math. What you would see in an inclusive classroom is the attribution of algebra to Arabian civilization, the discovery of zero to the Mayans, trig and triangulation to other ancient civilizations. You would see word problems that are connected to what kids understand (teaching systems of equations through word problems about sailboats doesn’t work when you teach in a CA urban city).

And yes, math would go beyond how-tos and answers, because how many times in your life do you do long division on paper (vs a calculator) whereas in a grocery store, do you KNOW all the cool different ways kids have taught me to compare deals and figure out the best unit rate without pen and paper? And in what world are you hired to just find answers as opposed to making sense of a problem and reasoning through why yours is the best approach?

All of the above naturally brings about contribution and belonging.. bc creating artificial environments to do so never actually achieves it. When do you feel most at home in a company? When you know that your ideas are valued and that you’re respected/seen.

This approach is very bad. Contrary to what this guidance seems to suggest, math is not the end-all and be-all—and it’s certainly not something that all kids are equally capable of learning and enjoying. Some young people clearly excel at math, even at very early ages. Many schools offer advanced mathematics to a select group of students well before the high school level so that they can take calculus by their junior or senior year. It’s done this way for a reason: The students who like math (usually a minority) should have the opportunity to move on as rapidly as possible.

For everyone else… well, advanced math just isn’t that important. It would be preferable for schools to offer students more choices, and offer them as early as possible. Teens who are eager readers should be able to study literature instead of math; young people who aren’t particularly adept at any academic discipline might pick up art, music, computers, or even trade skills. (Coding doesn’t need to be mandatory, but it could be an option.)

The essence of good schooling is choice. Individual kids benefit from a wide range of possible educational options. Permitting them to diversify, specialize, and chart their own paths—with helpful input from the adults in their lives—is the course of action that recognizes vast differences in interest and ability. Holding back kids who are gifted at math isn’t equitable: On the contrary, it’s extremely unfair to everyone.

… Um, there is an assumption that schools are able to offer aLL of the choices that a child could be good in? In economics, we call this limited resources. Given limited resources, at a public institution, we do our best to give all kids the best basic framework from which they can then pursue their endeavors. That includes being able to read, being able to write, being able to reason, and knowing the historical, cultural context within which we perform. And oh yes, running a mile in under 20 minutes.

And why does this article assume that having heterogenous classrooms assume that we are holding kids back? In fact, let’s go back to my personal experience in Palo Alto. When kids were split up from 6th grade, it was based off of a test and off of parents’ loud advocacy, and teacher choice. If we just did a test, there might be times when there are only 16 kids ready for “advanced” and 34 in the “lower”. Are we going to do that? No. So then 9 of the “lower” kids might get put into the “advanced” track based on all sorts of factors (teacher’s perception of behavior, hard work, etc). This introduces a lot of bias. The crazy thing is, kids internalize what they’re told. So even if you are a brilliant boy who’s antsy and mouthy, and whose parents are too busy to advocate for you, you might be told your whole life that you’re not smart based where you are tracked. That does affect your performance. Google it!

Yet the framework seems to reject the notion that some kids are more gifted than others. “An important goal of this framework is to replace ideas of innate mathematics ‘talent’ and ‘giftedness’ with the recognition that every student is on a growth pathway,” it states. “There is no cutoff determining when one child is ‘gifted’ and another is not.” But cutoffs are exactly what testing and grading systems produce, and it’s absurdly naive to think there’s nothing innate about such outcomes, given that intelligence is at least partly an inherited trait.

Is intelligence a partly inherited trait? What the actual Fork? I feel really sorry for your child. Because yes, here is where the worldviews split. Where one group believes there can be an artificial human-made cut off for “giftedness” and where a “growth pathway” is derided. I don’t want to live in that world, and guess what, I don’t. Most thriving people don’t. Because we understand that change can always be made and we understand that there are multiple ways to grow strong in an area and that a lot of what people choose is more based on passion than ability. You can hone ability if you are passionate.

If California adopts this framework, which is currently under public review, the state will end up sabotaging its brightest students. The government should let kids opt out of math if it’s not for them. Don’t let the false idea that there’s no such thing as a gifted student herald the end of advanced math entirely.

Um okay. The fact that I have middle schoolers deriving the pythagorean theorem from their knowledge of angle relationships and solving complex systems of equations, and finding multiple ways to demonstrate proofs through both inductive and deductive reasoning, and building machine learning algorithms to teach emotional intelligence… all within a heterogeneous classroom that believes in growth mindset, systemic oppression, and critical hope is but one example of why this wouldn’t be “the end of advanced math’ entirely.

What does suck though, is then watching these kids move on to high school where they are tracked and somehow end up in lower math classes with less experienced teachers, losing their interest and belief in themselves.

In Palo Alto, when I was in lower math, even in that rich district, I went through three teachers in one year. A white kid threw a chair out a window. When I took a random bridge course over the summer (which was a lot of worksheets and movies), I entered the higher math class in 8th grade not necessarily “prepared.” But that teacher was amazing. He had us writing, performing, explaining, art-ing all in math (wayyyy before Common Core). He led math workshops for other teachers, he published a book. I entered high school ready, and freshman year, my teacher sucked. Sophomore year, she was terrible too. Junior year was amazing and like I said, I enjoyed AB Calc (and did well) my senior year. It was interesting though, because I saw how in other classes that were also tracked, whenever I dropped a level, the classroom grew more diverse. It is a very very awkward thing when you think you’re tracking and creating gifted classes solely by merit, and somehow all the color gets concentrated in the lower classes. And somehow you don’t think bias has anything to do with it,what does that say about you and your reasoning capabilities?

How to become a credentialed general ed teacher in California

It’s interesting but in the past 12 months, I had three different strangers reach out to be based off my UCLA TEP interviewing experience. It’s been over a decade and while on one hand, not a lot has changed, on the other, there still doesn’t appear to be any sort of streamline resource on how to be a teacher. So I’ll do that now. Especially post-COVID where there seems to be a mass exodus, it’s also exciting to see so many new faces!!

If you know me, you know I took the most cost-heavy, time-heavy route to becoming a classroom teacher*. As I look back, I don’t regret my journey (it made me who I am), but I also want to offer the whole “you don’t have to repeat my mistakes” perspective.

So you want to be a teacher?

Amazing! Thank you! The “why” definitely matters, but I’ll save that for another day. There are definitely multiple routes to becoming a teacher, and there are a variety of schools; I’m going to talk about becoming a credentialed public school teacher in general education (aka, not special ed or private school).

First you need your BA

Some colleges actually have an Education major/minor that supports in culminating with a credential at the end or are a continuation from their bachelor’s program.

Next You need Your Credential

There are two types of credentials: multiple subject and single-subject. Multiple subject is mainly for elementary school teachers and for middle school teachers who teach “core” / interdisciplinary subjects. Single subject is for middle/high school teachers invested in a single subject.

Once you have multiple or single-subject credential, it is actually not hard to add additional single-subject credentials. You usually just need to pass the related CSET and take the related methods course (usually can be found online through the university extension: UCLA example). However, you can’t just take a methods class and add a multiple credential. So, if for some reason, you think you may want to teach elementary school or switch around in middle school, then, go for the multiple. If you are passionate about a discipline, go for the single! (Fun fact: in the Bay Area, there is a huge need for teachers credentialed in math or science; usually comes with additional stipends)

What you need to apply for a Credentialing Program

Experience/References

To apply for a credential, you usually need references and 40-50 hours of work/volunteer experience within the context of the future credential you are applying for. For example, if you shadowed your 3rd grade teacher for a week but you want to teach high school chemistry, those hours won’t count :(.

• Contact a former teacher and ask if you can shadow/volunteer in their room during your Spring break
• Volunteer/shadow at a neighborhood school
• If you have your bachelor’s degree, pass the CBEST and become a substitute teacher
• Work at a school as a paraprofessional, student aide, academic coach
• I’m not sure if after-school programming qualifies (just email them and ask)

Andddd, if you build a good relationship with the teacher or your supervisor, they can be one of your references! I know references can be awkward but definitely make friends with either a Grad student instructor or a professor, and make the effort to pop by an office hours just to ask them about how they got where they were, and what your interests/goals are. Visit another time later and casually ask if they’d be open to being a reference for you in the future. THEN when you are actually ready, email them! (And maybe just send annual hello’s / updates).

Tests

• [BEFORE] You need to pass the CBEST (which shouldn’t require study materials beyond the free ones)
• [BEFORE] You need to pass the related CSETs (most programs allow you to not have all of them finished); you can do them in chunks (I wouldn’t recommend you do it all at once). I honestly borrowed a study book from my friend; and I think for single-subject, looking at AP books may help. UC Irvine has free CSET prep materials for math and science).
• [BEFORE] US Constitution requirement – I took a test (and barely passed), BUT if you’re still in college, you might just be able to take a course that’s okay’d by the CTC (California Commission on Teacher Credentialing).
• [DURING] RICA – I thiiiiink you only take this if you’re getting a Multiple-Subject test. But I don’t know. They might get rid of it! I had a master’s in this subject so I just took the free practice tests to prepare. but I know this tends to be a harder test. You take this DURING your credentialing program.
• [DURING] CalTPA – these are performance assessments that have multiple parts, reflection, etc and they are a huge pain, and a little scary. I have nothing better to say but hopefully whatever credentialing program you’re in will provide you the support.

Personal Statement

Just be honest. And make sure you answer all the parts they’re looking for.

Credential Program, Intern Program/Teacher Pipeline, or Credentials+Masters

In general, there’s this weird elevating of more and more education to do the same job. When folks come to me for advice in this area, I’m very anti-grad school. It’s expensive, the opportunity costs are steep, it’s only worth it when you look ahead at your next step and realize you can’t get there without the master’s OR the network is worth it. (AKA, don’t pay for USC’s MAT program)

So with that said, I’ll describe the 3 options and then … ruminate about what context would make the most sense for you.

Credential Programs:

Most credential programs are 9-10 months long. They usually consist of a school placement + classes, support with completing your TPA, and paperwork for the credential. I actually love this traditional model the best. Especially if you know which community you want to work in, find the local state school, and learn from watching and that gradual release. These are usually cheaper if you do one through a Cal State, and definitely shorter. SUPER bummed that Mills College is closing because the teachers I respected the MOST all came from there. High Tech High has a very cool program if you’re looking beyond traditional education to something more project-based.

You can then become a teacher, learn from your lived experience, and then make a more thoughtful choice when it comes to earning a master’s. Instead of just random busywork in the art of teaching, maybe you could consider an Ed master’s in leadership, or literacy, or learning difficulties, or a specific pedagogy.

Yes, you get extra $$ for a master’s usually, but if you only earn it for the stipend, I don’t think it’s the best choice if that’s your main reason.

Intern Program/Teacher Pipeline

It’s hard to invest a full year into a credentialing program and not get paid. There are more and more teacher-pipeline programs, especially with charter schools, out there that allow you to use an intern credential to teach full time in a classroom, earn a salary, while you earn your credential. Many programs exist that require a varying spectrum of commitments (weekly evenings, or monthly full-day Saturdays, participating on discussion forums, etc). I’d imagine that based on this past year, there may be more programs that have Zoom classes…

CalTEACH, Alliant, Alder GSE, and Reach are all programs I’ve seen. Oh and of course, TFA.

I did this, essentially. And, I don’t know if I recommend it – I do want to say I had a master’s in literacy prior to deciding to go back to the classroom, so I had a philosophy of education and a goal for teaching. I’ve seen colleagues do programs like these and get immediately overwhelmed by the weight of running your own classroom while also doing all the work to get a credential. Some folks come out of this amazing, and other folks.. I feel sorry for the kids.

Credential/Master’s Program

STEP, UCLA, UC Berkeley all have the credential + master’s programs that range from 12-18 months (last I checked). So you get the credential program experience + a little extra. People honestly seem overwhelmed, and at least you have the network and the name, but I have not necessarily seen teachers who were better because they came from these schools. (In fact, there’s one school here where literally every other teacher I’ve worked with in an urban context, has been pretty terrible and unprepared).

I am only naming California ones because when it comes to WORK, if you want to teach in California, it makes sense to earn your credentials here. There are some programs/states that have reciprocity (which means you can transfer that state’s credentials over), buuuut not all.

Like I wrote earlier, I’m skeptical about these programs because they just squash a lot into a short period, and you don’t have the time to reflect on your process and learn from your actual practice.

Clearing Your Credential

After you get your teaching credential, your preliminary credential only lasts five years so make sure that the job you get offers free BTSA coaching. BTSA (I don’t know what it stands for), essentially is like doing more TPAs; they’re performance assessments that you would have to pay for BUT most districts pay for it. Then clear your credential. It takes 2 years.

5 years later, and every 5 years afterwards:

Pay to keep your credentials.

Feel free to reach out if you have more questions.. – instagram.com/oaklandteacher

* Basically, I graduated in 2009 with a degree in comparative lit in the middle of a recession. So, I taught abroad, had Satan as my principal. Came back after a year thinking I wasn’t cut out to be a teacher. Went to grad school to study literacy development in youth. While earning my master’s, realized I needed/wanted to give the classroom another shot. Used the 1-year emergency credential to begin teaching at a nutso charter school. Began my credentialing program through Alliant in January of that first year of teaching. School/worked full time for the Spring and following Fall semester. Had to earn a multiple subject credential because I taught in a self-contained class (middle school), but added a single-subject credential in English. Later took a test, took a methods course online, and added a math credential. Began teaching middle school math!

In less than 2 weeks, I’ll be in San Diego!

In case you didn’t know, for the 2020-21 school year, I’ll be a New School Creation Fellow at the High Tech High Graduate School of Education. It sounds fancier than it is — essentially, I’ll be a leadership resident at a middle school (in its SECOND year!!!) at an organization that’s essentially the opposite of a lot of the “standards-based” schools I’ve been a part of. I’m super excited. I’ll also be earning a masters and my projects will be geared towards creating the skeleton of the residential school I hope to open geared towards serving teens who are wards of the court.

It’s surreal! And this summer has been one of rest, doubt, assurance, and freedom. I’ve been spending it relaxing (ofc), and then researching the landscape for the school that I want to open. From cold-calling social workers to going back to my figurative rolodex and hitting up contacts from the past, while also doing my own readings and self-educating, it’s been a satisfying summer (for now — I don’t know if I’ll look back during the school year and wish I didn’t relax so much).

A colleague I respect told me that when starting a school, go into it expecting to have 50% of the idea fleshed out, 25% you’ll do on your own, and 25% will be shaped my constant community engagement.

And as I start probing, there are already presuppositions I came into this work with that’s being dashed. I’m glad that’s happening now.

Also, I’ve been working with a coach, and that was helpful in setting measurable goals, talking through things, and parsing through what seemed to filling up my headspace and what to do with it.

I think in the short-term, I’m recognizing that as long as I go back to my vision and theory of action, I can start to be flexible with how the school will start, how it will look, and what I’ll do.

Another friend told me, it’s okay to have a North Star and never reach it… but to constantly be moving in service of it. And that’s strangely assuring to me as well.

It’s the whole starfish story, right? A trite tale that has always rung true in my heart. An old man sees a kid throwing starfish into the ocean during the low tide. He asks the kid what’s up. The kid says she wants to help the starfish who got stuck on the seashore and will dry up in the sun due to the tide being out. The man surveys the beach and sees thousands of starfish and tells the kid, “Why even bother? It’s not going to make a difference. Look at all these starfish!” The kid without missing a beat, hurls another starfish into the ocean and says, ‘Well, it made a difference to that one.”

TBH, I don’t really believe in massive scaling when it comes to disrupting systems of injustice when it comes to our children. Education, to me, seems like a personal thing. Just because it worked with one group of adults, doesn’t mean you can just recreate the structures and do it again. But I do think that rather than just fostering my own 2-4 teenage girls, I can make a more marked difference by leveraging my strengths to manage a few adults, bring in local partnerships, and help a larger group of kids.

Essentially, what all kids need for success is a crashpad. They need to be able to fail without the consequences being so dire. It’s ridiculous the how heavy the weight of failure is on kids from vulnerable populations. I want to lift that a bit. I think I spent so much of my 20s limiting myself. I want to see what it feels like to push myself with things that matter.

Let’s see how it goes!

COVID inventions

Random thoughts

• retrofit metal detectors with those fever detectors we have at the airport. But also attach nozzles like mist a bleach solution at public entrances. 😅
• have drones that go into classrooms between classes and spray everything down and then huge industrial fans to dry
• create infrared or UVB (or blue light?) strips that just disinfect a room.
• have a 360 camera in a classroom so that sick or absent kids came still participate with VR.
• every person gets a plexiglass cube with a door that they step into attached to wheels and a standing desk…. Like those knee scooters when you break a leg.
  —– instead of whiteboards kids could write directly on the plexiglass. And if a kid gets in trouble, the teacher can just write the note directly on it before the next class 😅
  —– icebreakers would be tetris games but I’m person.
  —– outward facing fans would be at the top of these cubes.

LOLOLOLOL. Can you imagine walking around in a 5’x5’x6′ box? And you’d like bump into people but you’d probably also like push off and crash into your friends on purpose. … There would definitely have to be expectations set.

Part of leaving is you leave one by one and you wipe it down OR a drone comes in to spray everything.

You stay with your pod of 18 classmates where you all have a similar focus for the trimester. You meet daily with your advisor teacher and the other subject teachers tag team to check in.. but they take the role of guidance and modeling vs directing.

Alright. It’s almost tomorrow. I should sleep.

Breonna Taylor

It’s almost 4 months since Breonna Taylor passed.

Almost 2 months since the circumstances of her death went viral.

And while protests finally effected some sort of response for Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd, Black men, once again, the sting of a Black woman overlooked strikes again.

There’s plenty of literature on Black women and their status being one of the lowest in US society yet further burdened by its expectations that they carry more and forbear longer. But you can Google that.

I guess I’m here because I’m troubled by the standstill that is justice for Breonna Taylor.

On one hand, it was an accident. It was night time, the address was that of Breonna’s ex, they legally were allowed to go in via the no-knock warrants, her current boyfriend opened fire first, and the police responded.

So… in terms of justice… I would hate to be fired for an accident. Case closed?

But we also know it’s more than just an accident.

We know that had this happened to a white woman, it wouldn’t have taken 2 months to even start a review.

I’d bet if this was an address in a white neighborhood or if they were looking for a white man, I don’t think it would have been so trigger-happy. I bet the paperwork people who accidentally sent them over would have been more careful. Can I prove that? No. But can I point to historical trends of bias? Why yes I can.

Regardless, it happened. And legally, these men were in their rights. It’s not fully their fault that they lacked training, that the administration messed up, that they responded in fear, that they might have been conditioned against dangerous Black skin.

So that’s it, then? That’s the justice? The legality is clear. We moved on? No. In our hearts, justice continues to call out. This is where we as a people are stuck. The blood of Breonna Taylor cries from the ground and most cannot say, “I am not my sister’s keeper.”

So they try to draw awareness. They sign petitions. They join protests. They have now created songs, art, and memes. For some it’s a reminder that this version of justice still has a Black woman in a premature grave. For others it’s a performative wokeness.

What we need to do is actually a bit harder. We need to self-examine and root out our own anti-blackness and question the validity of our desire to move on, get irritated, quiet others, or jump to defend the policemen in this situation.

We need to encourage our small circles of influence to do the same.

We need to look at our own local politics and rally for reallocating police funding, improved training, and community policing efforts.

We need to look at the federal level. Examine the history of our war on drugs and the biases in how our laws have responded.

And we need to rally to change laws.

This is how we get justice, which unfortunately didn’t happen for Breonna Taylor. But there are young Black girls out there right now. Who are struggling through COVID school. Who also plan to work in health. And we need to make sure now that 5-10 years from now, I won’t be hearing about one of my students accidentally being shot up while she was in school learning to protect the people who should have been protecting her but killed her instead.

We missed the boat for Justice for Breonna Taylor. But we can keep on keeping on until Christ comes and brings true peace.

Update 7/23/2020: this article from Essence also explains what I tried to express in my post.

Teaching and Policing: let’s imagine

I know on Instagram I’ve been sharing posts on defunding our current police departments and dramatically shifting funds. This is not an extreme call to suddenly lay off ALL police officers next month, but it’s an invitation to design and dream radically.

I still have a lot of love and respect for my retired and current friends in blue. One key adult figure who invested into my life was a sergeant and a 4th and 5th grade Sunday school teacher. He invested in us, taught me that you can give TIME as a gift (literally – he gave us each a ticket that we could use. I used mine for ice cream in the rain and mini-golf), and was the first adult I met who sincerely apologized to children when he made a mistake. My current small group leader is a retired sharpshooting special forces person (I don’t actually know the title). She is easily the MVP at our church. She spent an hour interviewing with my 8th grader just last month to share her experiences and answer his questions. I’m thankful that my friends in blue are thoughtful, careful, and principled.

I know I can’t completely empathize, but as a teacher, I’m also used to being in a profession that other people belittle on social media and tell me they could do better. In my small ecosystem of a school, I can empathize a little bit with the thanklessness, exhaustion, and seeming senselessness of the actions that go on in the day-to-day. And I wonder… in my little ecosystem, I need to make sure that we all follow norms, that students reap consequences, and first and foremost, everyone is safe. …. Which is basically what law enforcement is for, right?

Let Me Tell You a Long Story About Me:

I started teaching in Oakland at a really punitive school. Parents sent their kids to our school because they thought we were good because of our test scores and safety. There was no family engagement, and the school had such tight policies and so many ways to earn infractions that I was able to “focus on teaching.” I turned a blind eye to common practices such as having them clean the school with a toothbrush, signing a bunch of backlogged after-school program signatures (to qualify for $), cussing out children, and not providing meals (they said it’s bc we didn’t have a kitchen).

I didn’t realize how damaging it was teaching in such a school ruled by fear and “no excuses” until the last day of school. I thought since we had had 2 years together and that because I wasn’t sadistic and because I tried to make my space warm, we’d be tight. We had been together for TWO years. But literally, that day, the kids walked away and never looked back. I realized that despite my best intentions and efforts, I was just an arm of a terrible institution that only punished and incentivized and never restored or engaged to collectively come up with goals and norms. And I didn’t teach them to have a good heart- they navigated the confusing graying moralities of middle school alone and just got good at hiding.

It was HARD when I shifted into a new school culture. I knew this was what I wanted after TWO years of witnessing traumatic discipline measures, I even stated in my interview that I didn’t believe in any discipline. LOL. After my first month’s honeymoon, my classroom was a mess.

• Kids were frustrated with me
• it was unstructured
• I didn’t know how to deliver calm, fair reminders
• kids and my coaches felt like some kids always got called out while others didn’t
• I didn’t know how to build community
• and it didn’t work for me.

I didn’t know how to build a conducive space without the threat of outside force. … and THIS is probably what our communities might feel like the first few years after funding is funneled into other ventures. But stick with me..

But I learned.

And I wanted to learn. Because even though that first year was so hard, my students were patient with me, and there was already a culture of student agency and trust I could look to. Knowing what it could look like helped me keep trying new things.

Fast forward, a few years later and I was at my current school. I was feeling myself. I had built rapport with my students, we collectively created norms rooted in our goals and values, we had sporadic community check-ins and I was strict — we were getting ish done! Annnnnd, one day, I was so angry at a girl’s attitude/defiance that instead of giving her space and following our progressive discipline system, I took her phone to take to the office. It turned into a huge fiasco…. and I’m not proud. I wish I could take it all back, yet to be honest, I also didn’t think I was the wrong one until muuuch later hindsight.

But I do see this: in high pressure situations where both people have their individual baggage — even in a GOOD system, bad things can happen especially when people flex their power. But we had checks and balances. Our Dean of Culture and Assistant Principal got involved. I got even more angry because I felt super unheard. My Assistant Principal did some work with me on the side. I felt like a martyr throughout the whole situation. And although there are situations where I look back and know that even though nobody agreed with me, I made the right call… THIS WAS NOT IT. In THIS situation, I look back, and I’ve REALIZED just.. how gracious EVERYONE ELSE around me was (including the student).

So back to the situation at hand:

Unruly teenagers aren’t too different from unruly adults. Most just want to be seen and heard. There may be a tier of folks who need extra support (whether they want it or not), and that’s what community resources could be for.

Engaging community, being aware of your neighbors, checking in, being vulnerable and talking directly to your neighbors instead of tattling to the police — these are all skills we learn at school and … we forget as we increase in our privilege.

It’s tireless work and yes, it takes money, but I don’t know if it’s more tiring or riskier or pricier than what is already happening. The current training law enforcement receive (or don’t receive) appears to enforce one narrative and this narrative has not only caused the deaths of people (predominately Black), but abuse, power trips, aggression, and grief.

Just like a teacher doesn’t enter the classroom intent on making a student’s life miserable, I don’t think police officers entered the service because they wanted to eventually get so seared in their consciences that they end up defending ALL folks in blue. Imagine a different future.

And Also, you don’t have to agree with ANY of this, in terms of how to fund, or de-fund existing structures. Think creatively on your own – you’re smart. But please stop trying to justify to yourself why you, non-Black person, are not also complicit for the systems that we allow to continue. Please stop blandly citing Bible references that point to a promised future in Heaven as you comfortably reap from a societal structure that serves you. If at this moment, faced with un-charged murder after murder and watching the genuine sadness of your Black friends (if you have any), jump immediately to warnings about politics and a liberal agenda, repent for your disconnect. And educate yourself. Seriously.

I guess it’s tiring to keep trying. And it’s easier to say God doesn’t promise us social utopia. But He knows our world is broken. That’s why He leaves us here. To be a light.